An IED in Fredericksburg...

Ok, not really...but it was in fact sort of an explosive device...it was in Fredericksburg...in fact it was in our house. And when you look at it, the aftermath does have the chaotic appearance of the after effects of an IED explosion...If only we had an Army Forensics Team close by to do an analysis and determine the origin...I'm guessing it is the rarely heard of extremist group...Jihad al Kodak.

In actuality, a rechargeable battery and the recharger apparently exploded sometime today while we were at work and caused this mess. We came home to find not only this mess, but also pieces of battery and plastic all over the office. Fortunately, we didn't come home to a fire. I guess this is a good lesson as to why firefighters always tell you to unplug items when they're not in use...

Firsts

There are the firsts you look forward to, like a first kiss...maybe a first marriage (the first in a series of five or something)...but then there are the firsts that you dread...you almost fear...and are anxious about the pain that they will inflict upon you emotionally or physically. Since the loss of Bailey almost 10 months ago...I would say that I've become oh so familiar with those kinds of firsts.

The first newborn we saw after Bailey; the first time someone asked how the baby was doing or thought I was pregnant (ok...so it's taking awhile to lose all of the weight, but in all fairness that question was asked only a few weeks after delivery); the first time we found out that a friend was having a baby; the first time we saw someone else with the same stroller/car seat/dress we had purchased for her; the first time we went to her grave site; the first day I went back to work; the first time I saw a little girl come over to pet Indiana; the first time we saw her name in stone; the first baby shower we were invited to/attended; the first time I went back to the same Labor and Delivery Ward to visit a friend; the first Mother's Day/Father's Day/Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas/Disney trip...the list goes on and on. These have been events filled with dread for me and almost always with a degree of pain and anxiety over the loss...but I have prided myself on the fact that I have survived these events...perhaps with a few tears...maybe even a few glasses of wine...but I've survived and hoped that I am coming out the other side stronger than before.

Tonight made me truly question whether or not I am surviving and coming out of this experience stronger. Tonight was another first...the first time we saw a classmate from our "Lamaze" class...with their healthy 9ish month old boy. And as wrong as it probably is to admit, it was painful to watch and I am jealous and question why did this happen to us? Why did I deserve this?

I don't feel stronger. I don't understand. I am angry. I am sad. And I am jealous. These are all things that are wrong to admit. No one wants to hear this...and no one (including myself) wants to admit this...but it's true...so for another first of the evening...I publicly admit how I truly feel.

Addiction...

I think it is time to admit that I may have a problem...Bravo and TLC have sucked me in...if there is an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 or The Real Housewives...I can't turn away. With Jon and Kate, I think it is pure shock that these people can function and that everyone survives at the end of each episode...


For The Real Housewives, I think it's more of watching a train wreck that you can't turn away from...your horified and mesmerized and shocked and entertained...and I just can't resist watching.


I've considered counseling, but I'm not really sure of the treatment...perhaps removing all TVs from the house? But I think that would mean Wil would have to leave too because he couldn't live without the video games which require the TV...so perhaps we will just have to live with my addiction until I gain the strength and willpower to turn the channel.

My Shakespeare cat...

Shakespeare: Over the Holidays, 2008

So far 2009 hasn't been the great year I had hoped for...earlier this week we noticed that my cat, Shakespeare had lost quite a bit of weight (turns out it was 2 1/2 pounds he lost...which is 25% of his body weight). We took him to the vet and he appears to be in chronic renal failure...after becoming increasingly frustrated with Banfield (the equivalent of a "fast food" pet care...but not that cheap), we took him to another veterinary hospital that seems to be taking good care of him. He has to stay at the hospital until probably the weekend so that they can give him IV fluids and medication. We're hoping that he shows improvement from this treatment and if so we should be able to bring him home and manage his illness with diet and medication...but he cannot be cured. If he doesn't show improvement then we have to make a decision that I'm not sure I can make.

Shakespeare: Today, January 15, 2009

Welcome 2009

As we said goodbye to 2008, we also welcomed 2009 and the promise that comes with the new year. We jot down our New Year's Resolutions (some may be the same as our 2008...2007...2006...2005...2004...resolutions) and we hope that this new year we will finally accomplish one or two of them.

We are very hopeful that 2009 will be a much better year and perhaps as President-elect Obama claims, it will be a year of change...change for the better. And so, we welcome 2009 and the promise of a wonderful year!